My thoughts for the day

As I am hoping you know by now, I try to be as honest with people as possible. I try not to sugar coat things. With this said it has me thinking about a few things today. I have been wondering if my past is defining my future.....well of course it does but in this situation I wonder if being voted Miss Nieve in high school really has made me nieve. I feel extremely picked on lately. It makes me wonder why. Am I an easy target? I don't quite understand it. I don't really enjoy being picked on at all. I have a hard enough time as it is with self-confidence so why add fuel to the fire. I also don't believe that I am a fully energetic lively person that is full of charisma that has people draw to me and joke around with me. I guess I am throwing a small pity party. I find myself telling satan to LEAVE me alone. I do feel as though he is messing with my mind and I have to tell myself that I am beautiful and loved my the most wonderful God. So tooting my own horn......I feel like with all the negatives I have there are more positives. It has me questioning who do people see me as because I don't feel by any means that anyone tells me or compliments me. (see being needy I know) But I feel like I build people up daily and why are people stingy with their uplifting comments. So I may be a little unorganized. I have junk drawers and my closet is a mess. But my floors are almost always clean. My carpets are vacuumed everyday if not every other. I rarely go to bed with dishes in the sink. I always set the coffee and unload the dishwasher. When I do the floors at least every other time I do the base boards and dust and the bathrooms. I would think that that would make up a little bit for my hidden junk drawers and spilling over tupperware closet. So I am not the best laundry person but 29 days out of the month clothes are easily found and organized. And I get compliments on Claire everywhere I go. So Adam needs a haircut right now....I'm a little late. But on the flip side he has a great hair style that isn't spiky or long or in his eyes. I would like to think that him needing a haircut would be overlooked because let's face it....he doesn't go too often with shaggy hair before we get that done! So I don't check all my voicemails and when you look at my phone it looks like I have 15 unopened voicemails. But on the positive side......when I see a missed call...I CALL BACK! I don't go through listening.....I call back to talk. So I have unorganized unanswered emails and I am horrible with dates but I will rarely forget your name or your face or what you need prayer for!!! I was picked on today about my workout hair. hmmmmm Well, at least I'm working out. And on the flip side of that one.......There are things I care about in this world and things I don't. I care about being treated with respect and treating others with respect. I don't care about mistakes for the most part, people are people. I care about trying to live my life to glorify God. But I don't really care to keep up with the Jones. I care to teach my children about the love of Christ. I care that my family is fed and comfortable and loved. I care that my kids are happy. Anyway, point being I care about people and if that means my hair is flopped up, my face is broken out, my belly is flabby, my clothes are comfortable then please love me for me...take me as I am. And please....build me up too. This life is hard, being a Mom and a wife is the hardest thing I have ever done. I do enough on my own to tear myself and my self worth down.....I don't need you to help.